Monday, September 22, 2008

The Death of Gen Robbie

I cleared myself with the control towers and gunned my Incursus out of the dock station. My Incursus' warp drive left a blazing trail behind me. I did a 360 directional scan set at a distance of 10au, debating what I wanted to do. A few carebears were running missions that I could salvage, but I felt like something a little different today.

So I started trawling through the asteroid belts; time for a bit of can-flipping-action. It didn't take me long before I found a miner who was defying physics and squashing thousands of tonnes of ore into a tiny cargo container! As I pulsed my MWD to narrow in on the can at maximum velocity, I scoped out the miners' profile. Gen Robbie was his name, and he was a relatively new to this world like myself, and he was flying an Exequror equipped with mining gear.

I opened his mining can and flipped it with relative ease, the flipping was not the difficult bit. Getting the miner angry enough to take the ore back or engage me in some form of combat was always a tad trickier.

Within seconds of flipping his can Gen Robbie lit up on my ships' overview, flashing a bright red. He had clearly attempted to take his ore back. I slammed my warp scrambler and activated my blasters. I set a tight orbit as my scrambler started pulsing, deflecting any of his feeble warp attempts. I let loose my hobgoblin drone as Gen Robbie flailed at his ships' controls, realising his mistake. His shield was disarmed with relative ease, and his armor came off in shreds with the aid of my blasters. My capacitor was burning up a little too quickly for my liking, and I prayed I would pop him before it ran out, thus disabling my scrambler. My capacitor did run out in the end, but not before Gen Robbies' ship exploded into tiny shards. I pulled up his wreck amongst the fireworks, and to my delight he had some basic T2 mining gear. I looted his gear, and aligned my ship to my home station.

As I was warping along I checked local, only to be treated with the verbal abuse of a very unhappy miner, and 'lo and behold, it was Gen Robbie himself!

Gen Robbie > tom the pussy rabbit i bet you s*ck d*cks
Rain Rose > How... lovely. >.>
Gen Robbie > you like the brown round hole
Rain Rose > Is tom the pussy rabbit you nickname, Gen? :P
Rain Rose > your*
Gen Robbie > you better hid you d*ck s*cker
Gen Robbie > yes tom the jackrabbit is his name

Shocked and appalled at his terrible language, I preceded to point out that his mouth belonged in the gutter.

Tom Jackrabbit > rofl woah wasnt watching local! gen robbie you gutter mouth ;-)

He continued with the profanities, oh well, at least I was making him feel more alive then mining a space rock for some unknown, faceless corporation. I won't include the entire conversation here, but some of the highlights include:

Gen Robbie > hay its the brown round licker
Gen Robbie > mulest my little boys latley
Gen Robbie > any
Tom Jackrabbit > not sure what your trying to say robbie! in your emorage your not typing properly
Gen Robbie > in case you are to dum to figer it out i,m calling you a child mulest faggit

What a charming fellow! At any rate, I docked to sell his T2 mining gear and have a brew at the bar. As I came in to dock, I noticed Gen Robbie near the station, still flashing red. This time he was flying a Gallente Cruiser Celestis. Instead of downing a much needed shot of something strong, I boarded a Caracal that I still had fully fitted back from when I vaguely cared about Caldari ships. I had some basic skills to fly it reasonably well, but it wasn't equipped with any sort of jammer, so I doubted the fight would amount to much. I groaned out of the station and targeted Gen Robbie for the second time that day.

I set to orbit at roughly 20km and watched the cruiser lumber around in an attempt to keep orbit, it was certainly a change in dynamics from the Incursus' I was accustomed to flying. Gen Robbie released a few relatively harmless T1 drones, and started hitting me with some sort of rail gun. I preceded to release heavy scourge missiles from all five of my launchers. A blazing ball of fury crashed into him and demolished a third of his shields. His T1 drones buzzed around like flies, doing minimal damage. I decided to leave off the activation of my own shield for a moment, so as to trick Gen Robbie into thinking he was doing me serious damage.

Our duel was over relatively quickly, my shield still standing strong and Gen Robbie was sitting at roughly half armour. He was still getting pounded by my missiles, I certainly seemed to have the advantage. I watched with slight annoyance as Gen Robbie hiked up his skirt, aligned his ship and warped off, thanks to my lack of an equipped jammer. I warped to the closest asteroid belt at the top of the list, in the hopes that he had panicked and warped their himself. There was no red to be seen on my overview, so I gunned my engines and docked back in the station.

Gen Robbie remained pleasantly quiet on local. As I headed to the nearest space-bar, I took pleasure in the fact I had him beaten on both accounts. But that pleasure was fleeting, as I realised my target appeared to be illiterate, so was maybe not the brightest module in the hangar. I was sure that I would meet tougher targets very soon, who would probably hand me my capsule on a platter before I had the chance to activate my blasters.

Oh well, it's all learning.

-Tom Jackrabbit


Geaux Tiger said...

Good write up man! Seems there are two of us in SN doing blogs now. Hmm.. we should get together and go cause some mayham in low sec sometime. I'll get holf of ya in game in a day or two. Bit busy right now with logistical concerns.

Anonymous said...

Good write up.

Anyone who writes that sort of stuff in local is clearly an arse and needs to be blown up a lot. I love his spelling also, priceless.

Keystone said...

Great post- keep them coming =)

Pegleg Punk said...

Deliciously sweet carebear tears. There is no other drink so intoxicating!