Monday, September 22, 2008

The Death of Gen Robbie

I cleared myself with the control towers and gunned my Incursus out of the dock station. My Incursus' warp drive left a blazing trail behind me. I did a 360 directional scan set at a distance of 10au, debating what I wanted to do. A few carebears were running missions that I could salvage, but I felt like something a little different today.

So I started trawling through the asteroid belts; time for a bit of can-flipping-action. It didn't take me long before I found a miner who was defying physics and squashing thousands of tonnes of ore into a tiny cargo container! As I pulsed my MWD to narrow in on the can at maximum velocity, I scoped out the miners' profile. Gen Robbie was his name, and he was a relatively new to this world like myself, and he was flying an Exequror equipped with mining gear.

I opened his mining can and flipped it with relative ease, the flipping was not the difficult bit. Getting the miner angry enough to take the ore back or engage me in some form of combat was always a tad trickier.

Within seconds of flipping his can Gen Robbie lit up on my ships' overview, flashing a bright red. He had clearly attempted to take his ore back. I slammed my warp scrambler and activated my blasters. I set a tight orbit as my scrambler started pulsing, deflecting any of his feeble warp attempts. I let loose my hobgoblin drone as Gen Robbie flailed at his ships' controls, realising his mistake. His shield was disarmed with relative ease, and his armor came off in shreds with the aid of my blasters. My capacitor was burning up a little too quickly for my liking, and I prayed I would pop him before it ran out, thus disabling my scrambler. My capacitor did run out in the end, but not before Gen Robbies' ship exploded into tiny shards. I pulled up his wreck amongst the fireworks, and to my delight he had some basic T2 mining gear. I looted his gear, and aligned my ship to my home station.

As I was warping along I checked local, only to be treated with the verbal abuse of a very unhappy miner, and 'lo and behold, it was Gen Robbie himself!

Gen Robbie > tom the pussy rabbit i bet you s*ck d*cks
Rain Rose > How... lovely. >.>
Gen Robbie > you like the brown round hole
Rain Rose > Is tom the pussy rabbit you nickname, Gen? :P
Rain Rose > your*
Gen Robbie > you better hid you d*ck s*cker
Gen Robbie > yes tom the jackrabbit is his name

Shocked and appalled at his terrible language, I preceded to point out that his mouth belonged in the gutter.

Tom Jackrabbit > rofl woah wasnt watching local! gen robbie you gutter mouth ;-)

He continued with the profanities, oh well, at least I was making him feel more alive then mining a space rock for some unknown, faceless corporation. I won't include the entire conversation here, but some of the highlights include:

Gen Robbie > hay its the brown round licker
Gen Robbie > mulest my little boys latley
Gen Robbie > any
Tom Jackrabbit > not sure what your trying to say robbie! in your emorage your not typing properly
Gen Robbie > in case you are to dum to figer it out i,m calling you a child mulest faggit

What a charming fellow! At any rate, I docked to sell his T2 mining gear and have a brew at the bar. As I came in to dock, I noticed Gen Robbie near the station, still flashing red. This time he was flying a Gallente Cruiser Celestis. Instead of downing a much needed shot of something strong, I boarded a Caracal that I still had fully fitted back from when I vaguely cared about Caldari ships. I had some basic skills to fly it reasonably well, but it wasn't equipped with any sort of jammer, so I doubted the fight would amount to much. I groaned out of the station and targeted Gen Robbie for the second time that day.

I set to orbit at roughly 20km and watched the cruiser lumber around in an attempt to keep orbit, it was certainly a change in dynamics from the Incursus' I was accustomed to flying. Gen Robbie released a few relatively harmless T1 drones, and started hitting me with some sort of rail gun. I preceded to release heavy scourge missiles from all five of my launchers. A blazing ball of fury crashed into him and demolished a third of his shields. His T1 drones buzzed around like flies, doing minimal damage. I decided to leave off the activation of my own shield for a moment, so as to trick Gen Robbie into thinking he was doing me serious damage.

Our duel was over relatively quickly, my shield still standing strong and Gen Robbie was sitting at roughly half armour. He was still getting pounded by my missiles, I certainly seemed to have the advantage. I watched with slight annoyance as Gen Robbie hiked up his skirt, aligned his ship and warped off, thanks to my lack of an equipped jammer. I warped to the closest asteroid belt at the top of the list, in the hopes that he had panicked and warped their himself. There was no red to be seen on my overview, so I gunned my engines and docked back in the station.

Gen Robbie remained pleasantly quiet on local. As I headed to the nearest space-bar, I took pleasure in the fact I had him beaten on both accounts. But that pleasure was fleeting, as I realised my target appeared to be illiterate, so was maybe not the brightest module in the hangar. I was sure that I would meet tougher targets very soon, who would probably hand me my capsule on a platter before I had the chance to activate my blasters.

Oh well, it's all learning.

-Tom Jackrabbit

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Suddenly Ninjas...Hundreds of Them!

The days were getting longer. Trawling through Endenrailens' 0.4 low security space had it's drawbacks. And the biggest drawback of all, seemed to be the lack of action. Maybe I was looking in the wrong places, but I needed some excitement. The last few days I had been training up skills, learning about safe spots, and getting adept with my directional scanner. I felt ready for the next step, but I was still unsure what that was.

I had been contacted by a small pirate corporation via one of my contacts through holo-poker, but I had heard about a corporation operating in High Security, who were specialists at "extracting tears" from the carebear folk. This sounded exactly like my cup of tea. The corp was called Suddenly Ninjas, and they specialised in 'Ninja' salvaging carebears precious level 4 missions. It was roughly 15 jumps away, but I waved Endenrailen goodbye, aligned my ship and didn't look back. I won't reveal my new home solar system, enemies could track this electronic database. I will simply refer to it as home.

The Suddenly Ninjas crew were a friendly bunch, a few were even new recruits like myself. My home base was a hub for carebear mission running/trading/mining. It was the perfect place to extract tears, and carry on the fight against the dull orders of greedy money mongering corporations. Before I could begin salvaging glorious wrecks right under the noses of glazy eyed carebears, I needed the skills to pinpoint their location. I needed Salvaging IV and Astrometrics IV. I trained them both up with urgency, and began scanning down mission wrecks, focusing on salvaging the "large" wrecks, as they held the best salvage!

I truly felt like a Ninja [OOC: Even though this blog is about Pirates], and I was being more then compensated in ISK returns. I settled into an easy routine; scan them down and get a mission gate location to bookmark. Warp in with my Incursus loaded with Salvaging gear. Salvage! Extract tears. Repeat.

Max Marvel gets the credit for stripping me of my Tears Extraction Virginity. Go Max!

[ 2008.09.13 16:09:40 ] Max Marvel > tom you fing suck
[ 2008.09.13 16:09:52 ] Max Marvel > go learn how to run your own l4 mish's
[ 2008.09.13 16:10:00 ] Max Marvel > stop stealing salv
[ 2008.09.13 16:10:20 ] Evee Lovemuffin > steal their loot too
[ 2008.09.13 16:11:22 ] Tom Jackrabbit > Suddenly....Ninjas!
[ 2008.09.13 16:11:42 ] Bluestone > Hundreds of them?
[ 2008.09.13 16:12:04 ] Ti'anna > I could ram him with my shuttle
[ 2008.09.13 16:13:57 ] Ti'anna > yeeha. free velator! lol
[ 2008.09.13 16:14:07 ] Bluestone > :o
[ 2008.09.13 16:14:08 ] Max Marvel > ti'anna
[ 2008.09.13 16:14:15 ] Max Marvel > come kill this loser tom in your velator
[ 2008.09.13 16:14:20 ] Max Marvel > ill send you 1mil isk
[ 2008.09.13 16:14:42 ] Vid Eeomeet > cough cough (bottom feeder) cough cough
[ 2008.09.13 16:14:48 ] Max Marvel > hate people who wreck steal
[ 2008.09.13 16:15:08 ] Max Marvel > seriously... theres alot more profitable things to do with your time
[ 2008.09.13 16:15:12 ] Bluestone > /emote gets some popcorn
[ 2008.09.13 16:15:20 ] Vid Eeomeet > hahaha
[ 2008.09.13 16:15:28 ] Ti'anna > yeah. im just having fun. back to 0.0 for me
[ 2008.09.13 16:16:17 ] Bluestone > Need more drama, I've only just started me popcorn :(
[ 2008.09.13 16:17:28 ] Tom Jackrabbit > Hundreds of them! Ninjas! Suddenly...
[ 2008.09.13 16:17:46 ] Evee Lovemuffin > lol
[ 2008.09.13 16:17:47 ] Bluestone > ...someone crys about losing a wreck
[ 2008.09.13 16:17:50 ] Max Marvel > hope your corp doesnt mind you stealing liek this
[ 2008.09.13 16:18:09 ] phree4u > taking salvage isnt stealing momo
[ 2008.09.13 16:18:26 ] Evee Lovemuffin > it is, it's just not against the rules
[ 2008.09.13 16:18:32 ] Max Marvel > dont be stupid with the technicalities
[ 2008.09.13 16:18:36 ] Tom Jackrabbit > I would imagine that they don't mind. You should send a mail and ask though...cos I'm not sure :-/
[ 2008.09.13 16:18:45 ] Tom Jackrabbit > my ceo would prolly be real please dont actually
[ 2008.09.13 16:18:52 ] Bluestone > :o
[ 2008.09.13 16:18:54 ] Tom Jackrabbit > ill give you back the loot if your promise not to right to him?
[ 2008.09.13 16:19:11 ] Jons Squire > is Tom being bad again??!??!
[ 2008.09.13 16:19:21 ] Jons Squire > What did we tell you last time Tom??
[ 2008.09.13 16:19:29 ] Evee Lovemuffin > get your stuff back then write
[ 2008.09.13 16:19:58 ] Tom Jackrabbit > You told me to stop wreck stealing Jon :( im sorry. i know its against the corp rules.
[ 2008.09.13 16:20:13 ] Jons Squire > bad bad bad rabbit
[ 2008.09.13 16:20:33 ] Tom Jackrabbit > just dont tell tchell...
[ 2008.09.13 16:20:33 ] Bluestone > /emote offers popcorn around to various people
[ 2008.09.13 16:20:41 ] Tom Jackrabbit > i sure hope max marvelous isnt writing to him now
[ 2008.09.13 16:20:50 ] Zero Fate > tchell loves my epeen
[ 2008.09.13 16:21:10 ] Jons Squire > give me half the loot and i won't tell
[ 2008.09.13 16:21:18 ] rdnmj > /emote takes some popcorn seeing these alts talking to themselfs
[ 2008.09.13 16:23:10 ] Tom Jackrabbit > i dont have alts :D
[ 2008.09.13 16:23:16 ] rdnmj > beside i dont think your CEO cares if you ninja salvage other peoples missions sins his bio is a bit obvius
[ 2008.09.13 16:23:43 ] rdnmj > Tchell dahhn
[ 2008.09.13 16:23:53 ] Tom Jackrabbit > rdnmj wins a prize!
[ 2008.09.13 16:24:10 ] Bluestone > You spoiled it :(
[ 2008.09.13 16:25:51 ] Max Marvel > your a moron rom
[ 2008.09.13 16:25:52 ] Max Marvel > tom
[ 2008.09.13 16:25:57 ] Max Marvel > so is your whole corp
[ 2008.09.13 16:27:06 ] Tom Jackrabbit > I'm so offended I don't know how to respond :(
[ 2008.09.13 16:27:18 ] Zero Fate > masturbate?
[ 2008.09.13 16:27:44 ] rdnmj > well he got nothing betwen his legs so bit hard
[ 2008.09.13 16:27:54 ] Max Marvel > dont please... the sight of your name in my chat box is embarrasing
[ 2008.09.13 16:28:49 ] Max Marvel > nothing better to do with your life then to sit around looking for player missions to steal a pitful pile of salvage junk from
[ 2008.09.13 16:29:18 ] Bluestone > Salvage as you go, or QQ more :)
[ 2008.09.13 16:29:22 ] Tom Jackrabbit > Oh, Mr Marvelous....if it's so pitiful why are we still talking about it?
[ 2008.09.13 16:30:25 ] rdnmj > /emote runs past Bluestone´s ship and takes some more popcorn
[ 2008.09.13 16:30:25 ] Max Marvel > cause its dumb to even do it... i dont care about the salvage.. its annoying having little pips like you fly around all the missions thinking this is a good way to spend your time
[ 2008.09.13 16:30:36 ] Androz Chen > penis
[ 2008.09.13 16:31:07 ] Tom Jackrabbit > It's not so much the looting as the carebear tears that make it worth it :->
[ 2008.09.13 16:31:10 ] Bluestone > /emote runs to the microwave to stick some more popcorn in
[ 2008.09.13 16:31:15 ] Max Marvel > anyways im done... just wanted to let you know your corps not funny and its dumb to think your actually spending your time wisely doing that
[ 2008.09.13 16:31:23 ] Max Marvel > yeah so i read in your ceo bio
[ 2008.09.13 16:31:26 ] Max Marvel > morons
[ 2008.09.13 16:31:41 ] Max Marvel > anyways have fun continuing to waste your life
[ 2008.09.13 16:31:52 ] Tom Jackrabbit > Will do! Lovely chatting to you Mr Marvelous.

[OOC: As you can see, Mr Marvelous brings up the topic of "wasting ones' life", I find it amusing that carebears often see Ninja Salvaging as "wasting your life". Let's disregard the fact that we are all playing a video-game for a moment, and consider the key differences between alternative career paths like Ninja Salvaging, and Mission Runners. The prize of all Ninja Salvagers is not simply good loot, but Carebear Tears! We rely on social interaction to fuel our enjoyment of the game, just as an MMO should be. Carebear Mission Runners rely on computer generated responses of NPC's to get their 'enjoyment' out of the game. It's ironic really, because essentially they are playing Eve Offline. And on top of that, the only social interactions they do seem to have appear to be negative and include tears, and involve people from fun Corps that pirate/salvage/ransom.]

The ISK and tears were rolling in. I was happy.

Long live the Rabbit!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Down the Rabbit Hole...

Being a beginner at something is always difficult. You are unsure of every step you make, not because you are afraid, but simply because you don't want to make a rookie mistake. But making rookie mistakes is an unavoidable aspect of learning. Learning to pirate was no different.

I began in a system called Endenrailen. I had settled here for locational reasons, it was low-sec giving me a decent jumping ground for basic PVP, and it was close to high-security areas, allowing me to perform "griefing" tactics such as "can flipping" on "carebears".

I was still getting used to this pirate lingo, I had frequented many dingy space bars, hazy with smoke I would sit and have a quiet drink. Around me gruff pirates drunk and played holo-poker, generally ignoring my presence. The more they talked, I sensed that they had a seething hatred for people they labelled as "carebears". Once I realised what these carebears were, and what they represented, I found myself sharing this hatred.

I learnt the following and recorded it hastily into my electronic database:-

  • Carebear: One who avoids combat with another player at all costs, by doing this they stay in high security space, protected by the Caldari government that I despise. They toil away for government corporations, mining, mission running. I decided I would begin my pirating giving them as much grief as possible, hopefully allowing them to see the light. Or as some may call it, the dark.

  • Griefing: Fairly self explanatory, to cause somebody "grief"in what they are doing, it may sound harsh and mean, but at least it gives them something to feel. The alternative for them is the dull, numb feeling of regimented corporation "orders" coming from above. That is not living.

  • Can Flipping: This is done in high security space, protected by CONCORD. Often carebear miners will place ore into a cargo container, so that they can mine a lot more, and then pick up all the ore at once with a hauler. Pirates take advantage of this carebear laziness by flying up to the can [cargo container], jettisoning a can of their own, and moving all the ore from the miners can into their own can. Essentially all the ore becomes yours, and if the miner attempts to take the ore back, it gives you kill rights on them as they are "stealing" your ore. It goes without saying the miner also has kill rights on you after you "flip" the can. It also goes without saying carebear miners don't usually carry guns.

Endenrailen was a good starting point for me, I learnt many new things, like how to use my onboard directional scanner. As I had learned from my visits to the bar, solid use of your directional scanner is key to better pirating. I trawled through low-sec for many days, I didn't get one kill, and I was new to the scene, and under-estimated my targets. I attempted to take on 2 caracals with my Incursus. I warped out with my ship at structure. Lesson learnt. Endenrailen was too quiet, and not full of feasible targets. I needed a change.

While thinking about where I wanted to head, I tried my hand at can-flipping. I had performed a few flips before, but the carebears generally remained passive and ignored me. Apart from a few frustrated chat invites things remained very uneventful. My first bit of excitement occurred not from a can-flip itself, but someone elses' wreck that I looted. His name was Warren Strife, and he gets the credit for stripping me of my PVP virginity.

Warren Strife was flying a Destroyer Cormorant. I was eager for trouble, with days of nothing happening I was frustrated. I was looting wrecks that weren't mine and can flipping with abandon. Out of the blue Warren Strife engages me with his railguns, after my initial 0.5 second shock, I lock into gear. I set to orbit him at 500m and engage my warp disruptor and my 3 Light Electron Blaster I's. My guns were blasting his shield to shreds, and it appeared that he couldn't even lock me with his railguns. I remained mostly undamaged while I pelted around at a close orbit. I had him at structure, and showed no mercy. There would be no ship ransom for my first kill. He was going down.

His ship went 'pop' and I enjoyed the adrenaline rush of doing something that didn't include "warp to 0m of location". He seemed to take it well, I received no smack, no EVEMail declaring his undying hatred. In that respects I was a bit disappointed. But I declared it the most fun I had experienced to date, and endeavoured to carry on with my personal regime against high security-brainwashed-corporation-minions!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Birth Of The Rabbit

I have been playing EVE Online for maybe 20 days now. It is a riveting game with a massive learning curve (which I am still ascending) due to it's complexity. When you start your first character you need to keep in mind what sort of gaming experience you want to have. Like many others before me, I prefer combat, and I prefer the thrill of PVP. The option was simple. I wanted to be a pirate...

The Birth Of The Rabbit:-

I was born to a Caldari Achurian mother and father, and received scrict and regimented training from a young age. From my early teens I felt stifled and suffocated in my surroundings, in the rigidness of it all. Their was a code for this, a policy for that.

In military combat class I would watch the holos of the "evil" Gallente forces, who we were being trained to destroy, and wondered at the freedom of it. I knew little of Gallentean society, and what was taught to me was biased, displaying the blind hate and prejudiced views we had of them. They had no "order" I was always told, like this was a good thing. I secretly wanted their freedom, their lack of order. I yearned for it. But I put it down to a petty fantasy and an unachievable dream...

I excelled in class, especially in Electronics. I graduated as a fighting fit Caldarian Special Forces member, and my plethora of missile and electronic knowledge allowed me to fit up my first Academy ship, The Kestrel. It was my pride and joy, or that's what I told myself. I kept order in it, with it's jagged edges, a real down the line military ship. Fighting off the local Gurista pirates I earned a little ISK, enough for a moderate savings, a better ship. My parents were proud, Caldarian society pretended to be proud, but I knew what I was to them. A drone in the regimented military force, a pawn to be used at their will. I wondered if the military leaders ever felt trapped like I did. It didn't take me long to break free, partly because I wanted too.

I flew my Kestrel out of the training facility where I was still based, little did anyone know my cargohold was full of everything I owned. I was leaving the Caldari State. I was going to carve out my own future, not let a military entity make every decision for me. I immediately headed out to low security space, I found a few solar systems to set myself up. I trained myself in Gallente Frigates. I had reached the conclusion that I was so opposed to the order of a miltary regime, that not I only did I want to avoid order from herein, I wanted chaos. I wanted to be a Pirate.

Having reached this decision, I purchased an Incursur, a renowned PVP frigate of the Gallente. The Incursur was soft and smooth compared to my jagged and pointy Kestrel. But it was new, and freshly different. I based myself in a low-sec system, doing a few odd missions for The Space Patrol, who put up an honest front, but were barely more then pirates themselves.

Training a new ship was hard, and the ships were so different to the Caldari style I was used too. No longer could I kite, shooting missiles from afar. I had to learn different ship fitting tactics. I had to learn to get in close and personal.

Finally, I was ready. I had enough decent skills to fit my ship with a Microwarp Drive, a Stasis Webifier, and a Warp Disrupter (MWD/WEB/SCRAM in acronym code). I flew my Incursor out to some high-security space, to perform some can flipping on some of the Caldari miners. Anything to cause chaos to the regime was to my liking.

As my little Incursor sped through space, I felt liberated. Free at last. I was going to be a Pirate. I may not be much of one yet, but if my Caldari roots have taught me anything it's that once I have a goal in site, and the determination and the ambition to follow it up, nothing can stop me.

-Tom Jackrabbit